Learn How to be Calm and Happy from Ancient Teachings

About three years ago I was new to the term of stoicism, which is one of the schools of ancient philosophy whose main principle is the belief that we do not react to events. We react to our judgment of the event or the individual behind it, and that judgment depends on ourselves. Philosophy of stoicism also suggests that we should not worry about things beyond our control because everything in life can be divided into two categories. Things that are in our control and things that we can’t control and it’s up to us how to respond to them. As a woman, I really like clothes which I think are good and worth collecting, and usually the clothes I love are also liked by other women out there, which results in the clothes being sold very quickly and I can’t have it. In the past, I often felt nervous about the fact that I didn’t get the clothes I dreamt, and which resulted in me tended to blame the situation, for example why clothes were produced so little, why they launched during peak hours, etc. And it resulted in my mood to decline (even though the mood started well in the morning). The fact is, the clothes are sold out, period. And it’s out of my control, if my friends suggest, “i think you can use a reminder if it’s just launching, it won’t run out”, right, it’s a form of effort, but sometimes we’ve tried it, and I still can’t have it, or coincides with peak hours I take care of other things (usually kids), then whatever the business is, I still can’t have it. And that’s a fact. But how I reacted to this fact that distinguishes it. Now I respond to it casually no longer restless, not getting the clothes of my dreams doesn’t matter, I still have other clothes that are still very suitable to wear. Besides, I am also currently applying the principle of minimalism to the ownership of an item (I will tell you about this in the next writings).

Apart from clothing (this used to be my weakness) actually I have more or less applied the principle of stoicism in my daily life. Friends see me as a relaxed, easy going and “do not take it personally” person. Even so relaxed, sometimes it looks indifferent and ‘cold’, because it doesn’t seem to care about people’s judgment of my attitude. It’s not that I don’t care, but I want to live a calm, peaceful life without being influenced by other people’s judgments of myself, which may be wrong for other people’s judgments, and actually blur my direction and goals towards the attitude I take. There are times when I wonder to myself in my heart, am I a cold person? But it turns out that after I read books that discuss the philosophy of stoicism, I got the answer, I got a name for my attitude so far, I was only applying the principle of stoicism in everyday life. I don’t want to declare myself a stoic (although many now declare themselves a stoic, it’s okay, I see it as a spirit to continue to improve and try to maintain the person’s emotional stability, because in the teachings of stoicism philosophy, a stoic is the highest level of a person who adheres to the stoic philosophy, and only deserves to be given to philosophers who teach this principle for the first time. I am just a person who is continuing to try to practice the principle of stoicism, which is often still slipping, still far from the teachings of stoicism. But at least when I’m emotional (especially with the behavior of children who sometimes test patience, oh yes husband too of course), I can take a little breath to then remember step by step how to control emotions, which is summarized and discussed nicely by Author Henry Manampiring in his book entitled “Philosophy of Terrace”. When we start to feel negative emotions, the form of which can be the desire to rage, cry, be sad, frustrated, take it things personally, you name it! We can take steps that can prevent us from acting to our detriment or others. These steps can be shortened to S-T-A-R (Stop, Think & Assess, Respond).

First step, STOP (stop). Stop acting when we start to feel negative emotions. DO NOT act anything. This act of stopping is like shouting time out to ourselves, to momentarily recognize, detect and identify the negative emotions that begin to attack us. It sounds difficult or even impossible to stop emotions, but if we are used to doing it then this is very doable. Personally, the real form of STOP’s action is to take a long breath and take a long time to say “istighfar” in your heart. After that, I can usually think more clearly and move on to the next step : THINK & ASSESS (thought and judged). When we have succeeded in stopping the flow of negative emotions, then we can think more logically and rationally in response to a situation. This thinking activity is also very helpful to control the emotions we are feeling, because for a while our brain is forced to think, and emotions are indirectly in a backward position, so that the flow of negative emotions is increasingly hampered. And this is where we can start judging (assess), can the emotions we feel be justified? Are we in the process of justifying our own personal judgment? Or is this an objective fact? And most importantly, which is in line with the teachings of stoicism, “Does this emotion happen because of something that is within our control or out of our control?” For example, if you want to attend an important event which invitation is digital and sent to our whatsapp number, and the time is already tight, but then, the cellphone that has invitation on it, is left behind. Surely we feel annoyed with ourselves because we are so careless and don’t prepare time well (something that is in our control). But in fact, this unpleasant situation has happened (something that is beyond our control) But yes, instead of being annoyed and angry, it’s better to be quiet for a moment, and then think about finding a solution. After we are able to think and judge more clearly, then we are ready for the next step, RESPOND (acting). We can think well what response we can give/do when we have managed to stop for a moment, to then think and judge more clearly and rationally, the form of which can be in action or speech. Because it has gone through the process of thinking logically, rationally and clearly, it is hoped that the response taken is a good value response. For example, in the situation of missing the phone above, we can take the action of going back home to pick up the phone (if the time is still possible), or if we are one of the people who are open to family members, we can ask family members to send the digital invitation to our friend’s whatsapp, who we know want to go to the same event as us. Or if all that is not possible, we can take a persuasive approach to the event organizers to allow us to attend without showing an invitation (which of course we have explained the situation).

This S-T-A-R approach can be applied by anyone, anytime and in any situation. No matter the situation is heavy or light. Like investment choices or even dime, like whether we need to buy our dream clothes that happen to be on sale (yes, clothes again). Get used to doing this S-T-A-R approach, then the expected output, God willing, will be good, and continue to move/process in a better direction.

People like me, in the philosophy of stoicism are called a prokopton, that is, a person who continues to move/process towards a better direction. And I put this word on my Instagram profile: A bold Prokopton, which I hope will move/process in a better direction with confidence and courage.

I feel that by applying the philosophy of stoicism consciously (because I already know to then try to apply) or unconsciously (like I used to have applied more or less but did not know that there is a special philosophy that does teach this), then life will be calmer, peaceful and happy. Because I am a Muslim, I also try to associate this philosophy of stoicism with Islamic teachings. I dare to say that in Islam this philosophy is very closely related to the teachings as a good and devout Muslim who must always practice SABR, IKHLAS, TAWAKKAL and IKHTIAR in daily life. Only the philosophy of stoicism provides more reasoning and logical discussion step by step how we can achieve the noble teachings of Islam. And I’m sure other religions teach the same thing. So it doesn’t matter whether friends are of other religions, often the philosophy of stoicism can always be applied and intertwined with the religious teachings we adhere to.