“Do you understand what I’ve said before?” my husband ask me, and I said “Yeah I guess. It’s bla bla bla..” And then he said, “You are not listened me well, you don’t get the point” and he seems looks little bit annoyed to see me not pay attention very well to what he said before. Lesson learned. Listen.
When it comes to the world of conversation, the term of “Listening” is kinda new for me. It’s not that I never heard that word before (I don’t live in a cage, for sure) and it’s not that I haven’t practice it. I do listening, but turns out it’s not the way it supposed to be. The way I do it still needs to be fix and improve. What does it mean, actually? Before I knew it, turns out I only do “hearing” not listening. What’s the difference anyway? Hearing is a physical process of perceiving sound through our ears, it’s kinda passive reception, without any conscious effort, do not involve interpretation or understanding of the sound. It’s simply physical response. To short it out, Hearing is a form of passive engagement. Like what I’ve done before, I only heard my husband talking but I do not process his words. While listening is a form of active engagement, it’s intentional process that involves focusing attention on the sound or message. Listening requires conscious effort and concentration to understand the message or sound and in the end it will brings us understanding the message or sound of it’s context, tone and other non verbal cues. In my case before, if I do form of listening, I can understand very well what my husband said before, and I will get his point, and do something about it.
A long time ago I had read a book “Listen” by Kathryn Mannix. It’s sure a great book, it giving me such a calm and relaxing vibes, there’s so much positive energy and positive vibes in that book. Guys, if you want your life changes, go find it! Basically, the main idea of the book is explores the importance of listening in our personal and professional lives. Listening is a key that can open transformation of our relationships, improve our communication and even change our lives.
Let me tell you why. It’s different from talking, especially overtalking which can ruin our communication and relationship, listening means that we want to try understanding other person’s perspective. Listening shows that we value and respect the others, which helps us build trust. Imagine this situation, our daughter come to us, crying and tells us that her friends ditched her for no valid reason (reality check, jealousy is always one of the main cause) and then we are not listen to her because we are “busy” texting messages. She will feel we don’t want to understand her feeling or even worse, she won’t trust us anymore to be someone to share with, it’s only we don’t want to listen. It ruins our relationship with our kids. If we listen to her, we can help her, maybe direct her to find the solution of her problem, or at least comfort her, knowing that we understand her feeling. Mom feel you. In the end we can create deeper and more meaningful connections with others.
So does in a professional field, it will improves our communication with our colleagues. Listening is very crucial for effective communication in the workplace, make sure that messages are delivered accurately. Listening also can boost our productivity because it helps us prioritise tasks, manage our time and make well-informed decisions. To add it, listening will build up collaboration and team work by allowing individuals to share ideas and work together effectively.
I know Gen Z will understand this one, for the sake of our mental health, listening can help us reduce stress and anxiety by allowing us to process and release emotions. Listening is one of a form to have a little bit chill in our daily lives, by then we can build clear mental clutter, manage our emotions. Allowing us to focus and think more clearly, because we absorb new information and ideas. And it helps us to provide emotional support, validation and comfort, empathize with others. Nowadays, I often heard that young generation (Gen Z and Gen A) always feels unheard. They feel that we, as a someone they are talking to not listening well and it gives messages we are not interested. When I realize it, Woahhh it’s hard for them, maybe they feel rejected inside. In the end it will influence their mental health. So, it’s important for us as an older people, to make sure they always feels to be heard. But it always takes two to tango, right? Young people also needs to practice a form of listening. I know it’s a little bit hard for you guys, because your Gen is the Gen that constantly needs entertainment. Don’t blame yourselves, it’s because nowadays we live in a complex world, where technology and entertainment dominate us. so concentrating in one thing for a long time is hard for you. Your attention span has shrunken, it’s hard for you to sit in a silence for even a moment. But, you also have to learn mastering the listening skill. So we can built a better relationship with each other. PS : I trust you, bro.
To sum it up, now you know why listening is so much better than talking. So, it’s time for us to stop talking, start listening. We have to become better listener. The question is, how? I’ll tell you in the next post. Stay tune.
Love,
Kirana Sidin
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