Yes, I know that is a VERY STRONG word. As manipulation is the act of influencing or controlling someone to get what we want, it could be good or bad. I don’t want to talk about the bad one, as it will bring only harm to our lives, that is not the way a good people who wants to have a good life do their lives. We have to avoid it at all costs!
To have someone fulfill our needs or our want is we have to really know what they are needed, what’s motivates them. Not what we likes, not what’s motivates us. That is the most fundamental Principle of persuasion or influence. People are more likely to cooperate, agree, or engage when they see how something benefits them. We have to speak always from their POV. We have to get on their shoes! Speaks in their language, make them wanting what we’ve offered. If we can show them clearly what they’re needed, we will get not only what we want, maybe new friends, new clients, or new partners? Wonderful, isn’t it?
My kids often do this, because they already know the secrets to get what they want as we already discussed it in our English Club, so if they want something that little bit “burdening” us, they will use this techniques. For examples, my kids knows how much me and my husband like sitting in a coffee shop while sipping coffee, and that coffee shop is located in a shopping mall that we used to visit. And if they want to buy something at the mall, they will say like this : “Mom, you love the coffee in that coffee shop, right? You can drink coffee while wait us finish shopping at book store or toys store. So, shall we go right now, mom? We will ready before you get ready.” They know we can’t stand a smell a coffee in that coffee shop and also the calm ambience of that cafe, me and my husband can stay there hours, sipping coffee while talking or maybe writing. So, it’s kinda productive moments for us. And then they also know we don’t like waiting them to get ready, they have to get ready before we’re ready. By the end of that sentences, they got us. They get what they want by showing us what is the things that most interesting to us. Imagine if they telling me like this : “Mom, we want to go the toys store, we want to buy that toys that we would love to have it. Please give us money, it’s not that expensive.” Sorry kids, you will not gonna get me. It’s only about you, you and you. Nahhhh, no way I will make it happen! Now, you already got the points, right?
This principle will work, not only in daily life, or home basis, but also for productivity, maybe for sales, negotiation and leadership. How? First, We have to understanding their desires, before we persuading someone, we need to know what they truly want or need. And it needs listening and observing. Try to get to know what they truly want or need by listening to them (and it will bring us to the power of listening zone) and do observe carefully. It doesn’t mean you be a stalker (ewwww) but you see the general idea of what they truly want and truly need. Second, Configure your offer around their interests. Instead of pushing what we want, show how it aligns with their needs or even goals. As you already know, my kids expert on this one. Third, Designing value for them, if someone see the real benefits, they are more likely to act in your favour. Imagine we’re trying to convince our friends to join us at the our favorite band concert. And we just say : “Come with me to the concert, I need you to accompany me”. They might be not interested. Instead, we frame it into their needs : maybe lately they feel lack of social life, we can say like this : “We don’t get hang out as much, this way we can catch up and having fun at the same time.” Might be, they will say : “Let’s gooo!”
Now we know the secrets to get what we want, so when it’s time we have to convince, persuade or influence someone to do what we want, we can try these one. But remember, don’t use it for a bad one or we often say it’s a Dark Manipulation (the truth is, I see this term on Instagram reels, showing pretty girls influence rich man to get them princess treatment, there’s nothing wrong to get the princess treatment, but make sure we also have a sincere feeling to them, not only for wealth and fame). Just use this art of manipulation for a good one, to make our life simpler and happier. Cheers!
Love,
Kirana
