Who is the most charismatic person according to you? Maybe it’s your dad, or maybe it’s your boss, or your best friend? or this one public figure? It can be anyone, depends on your point of view. You don’t know what makes them charismatic, but you just can feel it. It seems that they have this kind of magnet to makes peoples interest to them and want to get closer and know them better, but in the same time we put so much respect to them. As for me, I have this one person I will always look up too, and I will always consider her as a charismatic person, a someone who is always give me the best examples on how to act right and elegantly. We can tell from her gestures, the way she moves, the way she talk, pretty sure she is someone who already has so many experienced and felt joy and sorrow in her life. She is indeed a strong, great and very nice woman. My muse.
Long before, I thought become a charismatic person is a gifted. It’s already on you since the day you are born. As if God create you to be the most charismatic person in the world. How lucky you are! I want to have that gift, please! But actually, here’s the good news! Turns out I was wrong, as a charisma is not a gifted, it’s a journey of learning and effort to make it happen. So eventhough we feel or think that we don’t have any personality that bring out of charisma from ourselves, we can figure it out, and learn.
What is charisma, actually? This is kinda tough question, isn’t it? As we don’t know what it is, but we can feel it. But here’s the answer (Thank God!) from Vanessa van Edwards in her book “The Art of Charismatic Communication” (Indonesia edition) she said that in a research in the Princeton University, the researchers found out that is the most charismatic person, likeable, and convincing, showing this two specific traits : Warmth and Competence. Furthermore, she said this is some kind the strongest blue print for every interactions. If we know how to use it, it will change the way we communicate. Hmmm, interesting, Vanessa!
Furthermore, Vanessa said, The most charismatic person showing the perfect blend of warmth and competence. They send us the signals of trustworthy and credibility. We consider them friendly and smart, impressive and can cooperate. They have our respect and admiration. We need this perfect blend to be success. We love to be with someone who can make us feel safe and in the same time we can count on them. We loves the leader who is very effective and in the same time, friendly. We find for the life partner who is trustworthy to keep our deepest secrets and will always be there for us. We want to work together with someone who is friendly but in the same, productive! Nuff said!
But here’s the things, the problem is, some of us can’t balancing that two traits! And if it happens, it will makes us facing social problems, miscommunication or even missing something’s potential. If we become a very warm person, we have this strong urge to be likeable. This is actually can be good, as we want to be someone who is friendly and interesting, but this is also challenging. A very warm person usually have the urges to always pleased others, hard to refuse, and create boundaries. This is the harsh truth : Our needs to be likeable can prevent our needs to be respected. Wow, as if slaps to our face. So, it will be like this, people will consider us as they can trust us, but we’re not always strong, or we are kind but not always competence, or maybe friendly but not impressive. Please, no more slaps!
Now what happened if you overly competence? Here’s the fact, if we are so competence, we want people consider us capable and impressive. People will take our ideas and thoughts very seriously, but the lack is, we hard to build closeness. This is the worst case : People might be feel intimidated by us! They will say something like this, it’s hard to make a proper conversation with us or people will see us as an unapproachable, cold person. Brrrrrr. In a business, this will be “double edged sword” people will consider us as a leader, but will having troubles to work with a team. Our colleagues or clients will find us credible but it’s hard for them to tell what’s in their mind. You want real example? Just see Anna Wintour (The Devil Wears Prada?) and Steve Jobs. That’s why there were so many examples when the competence person needs someone who is warm or vice versa, to keep the balance. But here’s my favourite, Sherlock Holmes (competence) and Dr. Watson (warmth). Together they make a great and dynamic duo!
So, it’s very important to keep balance of competence and warmth to smooth our communication, either it verbal or non verbal, by then we will get on point and right on target. It happens so many times we found out there was nothing wrong with our ideas, it’s magnificent indeed, but the way we delivered the ideas which is wrong, because we don’t use these perfect blend of traits. And in the end it will failed. So, mastering these two traits is a key to success and the bonus is we will become the most charismatic person in the world! Nice isn’t it?
Love,
Kirana
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