It was lovely night, we can feel the breeze, a smells of a cup of warm coffee, and sat next to me is the table of 3 moms hang out together to little bit have “me time”. They are chatting and giggling about their current life. It sounds so fun, I almost can’t help my self to giggle with them, but sure, I can’t! Awkward. Off the record, I never have intention to listened to them, but still I can heard it because it was so close to me. As I’ve told you before, it sound so fun but until one of them shifted topic to someone they all know, not about them anymore. Eventhough the tone of the conversation is not fully negative or judgemental, but it still gives the wrong messages as it unnecessary. I noticed one of them felt a bit uncomfortable, try to contributed here and there, but she was like holding it, and try to cut it at the end of the sentences. (I feel you, sis!). She said : Let’s not talk about her anymore, let’s continue our stories before, I loved what I heard from you, girls!” Yes, you go girl! I almost shout it out to her.
I know it’s funnn to gossiping, it’s a human nature! We are destined to be social creatures. Gossip is a way to exchange information, understanding social dynamics and stay connected with each others. Also, honestly, it’s kinda entertaining, right? Because sometimes it involves drama, secrets, or even unexpected twists! Uhhhhh, juicy! Making it feel like real life soap opera! Gossiping is also feel us as a part of a group, it can bring sense of belonging. Because we are knowing the latest “inside information”. You know, I know. *Wink. Gossip is tastier way to compares ourselves to others. To measure success, attractiveness or even morality. Gossiping allows us to make us feel better about ourselves, I am way more better than you! You said. But you gossiping? You ain’t better, it’s the same. And this one is unwritten code, gossip can helps us understand social rules, sometimes it’s hard to be a part of society, right? With all the demands. When people gossip about others’ mistakes or misbehavior, it’s showing what is acceptable or unacceptable in a community. And for the person who first time bringing the gossip into the table, it gives them sense of power. How come? Because we are knowing something others don’t know yet, it can give feeling control and influence in social circles. I’m on top of the world, they sing.
I’m glad that one mom above have this understanding, it always morally wrong to say something at their back, more over if it’s a bad one. I know you guys already aware what is not good about gossiping. Not only it will break the trust of someone we are gossiping, or can harm their reputations because the negative information we spread out, which is can be inaccurate, as it only based on assumptions or false information. Or even though it’s true and happening, still it’s wrong to gossip. As a moslems, we always taught by our parents this one verse in Al-Qur’an (Al- Baqarah : 191) that is “Defamation is more cruel than murder”, you can imagine how bad it is. Or even worse, create conflicts, as it can lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary drama. As for me, I always felt bad after gossiping. It’s kinda give a message because I’m focus on gossiping others, search others mistakes and flaws, then I forget to improves myself. Yes, it’s waste our precious times, instead of we focusing to our personal growth, gossip will keep us stick on negativity. We all know, gossip is kinda addicting, right? Because it makes us addicted to the situation, we want to catch up the newest update about the last gossip. We want more, more and more. And what is bad about this, it will make us easy to conquer, because people may see someone who gossips as untrustworthy or pitiful person. And then, we will easily pleased others, as we want to keeps our position in the community, as a part of the group. In the end we forget to increases a value and goals of ourselves. So, who’s pity now, someone who we are gossiping, or us? Ask to ourselves.
By then, if we want to have simple life and don’t want to involves in the dramas and conflicts, we have to avoid gossip at all cost. I’m talking about bad one, ofcourse, not about the good one. If it’s about sharing good news, celebrating achievements, or telling others genuinely about harmful behaviour, sure it can be helpful. But harmful gossip that spreads lies, invades privacy, or aims to hurt others is where the problems begin. It’s the matter of intentions behind it. The key is how we used it, for positives or negatives? You choose!
Love,
Kirana
