Here’s the fact. That is two kinds of selfish people. First, people who act like tyrants. Someone who dominates, doesn’t care if they become a disruption towards others. And only think about the things that are important to them. They think the world only revolves around them. They are always wanting to be a center of attention, constantly seek validation and recognition. Making everything about them. It’s always about me, me and me. They act like a dictator who reigns with the absolute authority and with force. A kind of people who will create big problems for the people around. Someone who is exactly like Pharaoh, the King of Egypt, in the Egyptian legend. Woahhh, that’s harsh. Or on the other side, they don’t need to be a tyrant. We can call people who like to disturb the harmony of the group, selfish people. They focus on their own needs, wants, and desires without considering how their actions affect others. They struggle to understand or care about other people’s feelings. They are taking without ever giving, constantly expect help, support, or favors, but rarely return the kindness. They never respect other people’s limits, time, and space. Also, they tend to not take responsibility, blame others instead of owning up to their mistakes. It’s really annoying if we meet people like that. But sadly, there were so many. This is the common image that we create in our minds when we hear a selfish word.
But here’s come one more type of selfish people that we must be aware of. It brings us to Second, people who are obsessed with the desire for recognition. Wait, what do you mean? Okay, let me explain it to you. As a human being, it’s natural that we seek recognition. We think of how far people will give attention to us. What’s others’ opinion toward us? But it hits different if we are being obsessed. People who are obsessed with the desire for recognition seem to be looking at others, when in fact they are only looking at themselves. They don’t care about others. They only care about “me”. (The Courage to be Disliked, Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga). Wait, don’t go too fast, I’m still confused. Alright. In simple words, here’s the case, even though we are trying so hard to be empathetic and try to fit in with others, because we are afraid of being judged, it is also called selfish. We want others to consider us nice people. We are worried about how people will see us. The ugly truth is, that is not a form of that we care for others. But, that is a form of self-attachment. We have to be aware of the facts that there were people who had a negative opinion toward us. It’s impossible if we expect everyone to have a positive opinion about us. It is what it is. Obsessing over others’ opinions isn’t humility or self-awareness, it’s a self-centered way of life where “me” is always the main concern. We always only see to ourselves, worry how others see us, but not how we look at them. Starting to get it? Cool.
Our imagination is that we are believing that others are always watching and judging us. When in reality, most people are too busy with their lives to care. Many people believe that we are the “main character” in life, thinking others constantly judge them. That’s also a form of selfish. Always worrying about how others see us is a form of self-obsession. It means we assume we are more important to others than we actually are. The fact is, we are not that important.
So, instead of being a selfish person by being a tyrant and chasing recognition from others, why don’t we focus on doing what is meaningful to ourselves? When we stop worrying about being the center of the attention, liked or admired, we become truly free to live as we are. Living to ourselves, rather than adjusting our life to meet others’ expectations. True happiness comes from it, as it will set us free. We are not the center of the world, and it’s a good thing.
Love,
Kirana
