I remember this like just yesterday. It was a rainy day. My friend shared this story with me in my bedroom. I was still in college. Crying, she told me that her dad had left her mom and her kids for another woman who was 20 years younger than him. A woman that fit to be her sister, not her mother. Before he left them, they struggled with their dad’s decision to move to another city to find the perfect job for him. They leave their world behind to support their dad, hoping they will get a better life. Indeed, her dad succeeded in his career. But his success was followed by the sacrifice of their happiness. In the case that she told me earlier, he left them for another woman. Their life is not getting better, but on the contrary, they are in misery. He doesn’t care about them anymore. They feel abandoned by their dad. Her mom struggles to raise her kids in the uncertainty of economic needs, and her heart breaks into pieces. While their dad lives happily with his new wife. Probably.
Ironic, right? Back then, I really didn’t get how complicated things were. All I could do was be there for her, a shoulder to cry on, which was basically a tiny comfort during her tough times. I always thought I’d never want to be in such a heart-wrenching spot. The sadness her dad left behind really hit me hard. That whole story is still stuck in my mind. It made a lasting impression. As I grew up, those memories kept echoing in my head, pushing me to look at things with more compassion. I started to rethink what SUCCESS actually means.
What’s up with the whole idea of SUCCESS, anyway? My friend’s dad finally hit it big in his career after moving to another city, but it pretty much wrecked the people who loved him most because he was being irresponsible to his act. So, can we really call that success? Honestly, I don’t think so. I’ve felt this way ever since I got married and became a mom. For me, success is all about bringing happiness into our home—seeing my husband and kids smile. I want to be the go-to person they turn to when they need comfort, someone they can always count on. Basically, it’s about building those strong connections with the people I care about and love the most. I do not think much about my career back then. Honestly, I ditched the whole career thing when I became a mom. I quit my government job to spend all my time with my kids, and I’ve never looked back. To me, that was the best decision ever. I’m happy just being a regular housewife and stay-at-home mom. As long as my family is around, I’m good! I’m not saying that every mom has to leave her job to be with her kids. It’s definitely not everyone’s cup of tea. I totally get it and respect the moms who manage to balance work and being a passionate mom, too. I know how tough that is. This isn’t a battle between stay-at-home moms and working moms. This is only my own interpretation to define success.
Yesterday, I read a book by the renowned best-selling author Stephen R. Covey and his daughter, Cynthia Covey Haller, “Live Life in Crescendo, Your Most Important Work Is Always Ahead of You”. Their insights validated my understanding of success. They assert that as we approach the end of our life journey, it is crucial to ensure we have not climbed the wrong ladder of success, avoiding any feelings of regret. From the very beginning, we must take decisive action to identify and prioritize what truly matters to us over the long term. It’s all about putting First Things First. They also emphasize that it is never too late to begin anew, regardless of whether we find ourselves in middle age or any stage of life. Even if we haven’t experienced success before or feel overwhelmed by a midlife crisis. We possess the full right to change our circumstances. The power is in our hands. It is never too late to mend relationships with our family and invest more time with those we love the most. Allowing us to realign our priorities with confidence.
It’s totally up to us to take that brave step to fix our important relationships, even if it means owning up to our past mistakes and saying a heartfelt sorry. We’re summoning up our courage and vision to dive into this journey. And, it might just lead to some amazing changes. This could honestly be one of the best decisions we’ve ever made, helping us to move on without looking back. Finding success in our roles and taking care of the most important relationships in our lives is pretty much like finding true happiness.
I get it, totally. There’s a ton of pressure to nail down that perfect career and hit the so-called “success” milestones that society throws at us. We rush to make it happen by a certain age or life phase, but in the process, we often push aside what really matters. Life feels like this never-ending struggle against the expectations of others just so we don’t feel left out or behind. But honestly, success isn’t about piling on the achievements. It’s about focusing on what really matters, like building meaningful relationships. Sure, we all need things like a comfy house, good education, cars, or some fun now and then, but what we really need most is time, love, and care for each other.
By the way, just a heads up, this is only Part 1 of my piece on “What is Success, Actually?” Can’t wait to catch you in the next part where we’ll really dig into what success means!
Love,
Kirana
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