Marcus Aurelius, the Roman Emperor and A Stoic, once said:
“It never ceases to amaze me: we all loves ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinions than our own.”
If I really want to get into what he meant by that statement, I think he’s picking up on something deep about human nature and our internal contradictions. It’s kind of wild how people tend to put their own needs first (“love ourselves more”), yet still care way too much about what others think, even more than their own logic, values, or how they see themselves.
Been there, done that. I can’t lie. I lived most of my life that way. I stopped only when I applied essentialism and stoicism in my daily life. Reading about Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Greg McKeown has reminded me a real life isn’t about how people perceive you, it’s all about how you think of yourself.
When COVID-19 hit the world, and the world went on lockdown, we all pretty much spent our days just being at home, either alone or just with our families. A lot of us were working from home too, doing the whole online thing. There are so many funny memes out there about people rocking a full suit on top but chilling in shorts below during online meetings. It’s kinda funny actually. But honestly, I think it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. With no one watching us all day, it became a great chance for some self-reflection and to really figure out what motivates us. That’s what life is all about, right? It’s all about how you see yourself. Because let’s face it, at the end of the day, you’re usually spending most of your time listening to those voices in your head. So, ask yourself: Do you like spending time alone? Or are you always worried about what others are doing or what they say about you? It can get pretty exhausting, right?
When we keep thinking about how others see us, or we may say, external events, we risk our life to living the life just to make others happy and satisfied. Not living the life as we wanted. When we keep doing it, we will lose our character. Listen to what Epictetus said to us: “If you are ever tempted to look for outside approval, realize that you have compromised your integrity. If you need a witness, be your own.” If we were still kids, I get it, we need approval from our parents to make our activities run smoothly. But if we keep doing this when we an adults? That’s sad, man. We think everything is about validation. In a relationship, we want to make our partner happy, at work, we want to make our boss happy, in a business, we want to make our clients satisfied. It’s good, though. But it can’t be the only reason for you to do something. We have to be happy too when we spend our time with our partner. We have to love our job too, not just a boss pleaser. In a business, we have to be proud of our products, not just keep customers satisfied.
I always loved sugary foods, I’m kinda sweet tooth. I always knew it wasn’t good for my health. My husband keeps reminding me and often forbids, but when he’s not around, I keep eating it. Now I’m trying to avoid it at all costs, whether he’s around or not. It’s just because not that I knew it wasn’t good for me and affected my health, but because I want to keep motivated by myself, so I can give my best shot to it. It’s been 2 years since I last touched sugary food. What we do when no one’s around will define us. When we do our best when no one’s watching, you will know that we are the only witnesses that we need. It’s the pinnacle of self-motivation.
When we finally let go of everyone’s judgment, we start to regain our energy, find our peace, and rediscover who we truly are.
Love,
Kirana
