In a Coffee Shop, Somewhere in Jakarta. 14.35 pm
Sit next to me, there’s a beautiful couple over there. Based on their appearance, they kinda look like me, probably in their 40s. I don’t have the intention or whatsoever to eavesdrop, but since I’m in “zen” mode, basically just chilling, my ears are quite sensitive to picking up everything they’re saying. And the conversation goes like this:
“You remember that woman we passed by earlier, right? Wow, she’s so pretty, she’s totally your type.”
“Yeah, she’s pretty. Kinda attractive too, but not that attractive.”
“Oh, come on, I bet you’d swipe right on her in another universe.”
And they laughed together.
Since that’s the kind of jokes and teasing between my husband and me, I feel related. I almost giggle with them, but I quickly shut my mouth up. (God, it’s awkward if it ever happens.)
To others, that may seem strange. How can they laugh? Shouldn’t she feel jealous when he admits the woman is pretty and attractive? It’s a little bit careless, a lack of boundaries, and a risky game to play. Why would anyone invite that kind of attention into the relationship? However, for couples who understand each other, it’s not a test but a trust exercise, and they’re both passing. When this kind of teasing is done in a mutually respectful, emotionally safe, and playful way, it isn’t a threat — it’s a sign. A subtle indication that they’re secure enough to laugh, and fulfilled enough not to worry. Some couples use this teasing to keep things fun, showing they’re mature enough not to be possessive. It’s not about being indifferent. It’s about having confidence in their bond. It’s not about pushing limits, but about knowing there’s enough love that those limits aren’t threatening.
It’s like they have this understanding in their mind:
“I know you’re only human, I don’t expect you to shut your eyes,”
“I know you find other people attractive, and I’m not threatened by it.”
“I can laugh about it with you because I trust what we have.“
Because in the end of the day, you’ll always know that’s only an instant moment, and you are the one who they come home to. You’ll always believe that your relationship doesn’t shake that easily. It shows emotional maturity, confidence, deep trust, and comfort. It’s beautiful. That’s also a sign of a healthy relationship: You don’t have to pretend your partner won’t ever notice someone else (blahh, it’s impossible!), because attraction is human! You don’t feel the need to control it (It’s kinda tiring, isn’t it?) Because loyalty isn’t rooted in fear. You can laugh about it together, because it’s just a moment, not a threat.
When both people feel fulfilled, safe, and seen, even joking about “the type” becomes fun, not awkward or tense. There’s no jealousy or hidden issues. Because honestly, real love isn’t about ignoring reality, it’s about knowing that what you share is stronger than anything else. When a couple can tease each other and still smile, trust, and hold hands afterward, it shows they’re already full, and love has no room for fear.
Just remember, real love doesn’t shrink when attraction is brought up in the room. When both of you can totally laugh about someone else, it means you are already sure of who you belong to.
I’m on the hunt for a book, song, or maybe a movie that vibes with this idea. It’s just my thing, I always like to sprinkle some pop culture into my writing, LOL. Too bad I still can’t find the perfect match. But hey, this is the best I’ve got, and it might not be the same (please have mercy on me). It’s when Don’s candid observations of attractive people, shared with love, feel totally safe between him and Rosie, showing how their relationship is growing. (Shout out to The Rosie Project Book, by Graeme Simsion). If you’ve got other suggestions, drop them in the comments! I’d love to hear it!.
Love,
Kirana
