When I decided to start writing here, I made a promise to myself: I would write anything that crossed my mind. Even though it’s probably raw and immature. I just want to be honest with myself; in most cases, writing about it may bring ease to me. People say: Writing is therapy. And this one is probably one of them.
I used to live a simple life. I don’t have time and energy for drama and conflicts. I don’t find it appealing, either. Honestly, it’s exhausting. So, when people came to me and shared stories about their drama and conflicts, I just didn’t like it. That’s none of my business, either. I want to run away as soon as I can. I feel that it could be draining my energy and peace of mind. I tried the best I could to preserve them, but people just instantly tried to rob them from me. Have you ever felt like this?
I mean, if you can’t stand something, the only option is to stay, but keep silent. Accept all the good and bad. Don’t open your mouth into something that you have already decided. It’s like the proverb said: “licking up one’s own spit.” Or, if you really can’t stand it, just leave it. As simple as that. It will not consume your valuable time and energy. It also happens in a relationship/friendship. If you are in the middle of a toxic relationship, you can choose between those two options. But as for me, I surely will go into second. That isn’t a sin at all!
Don’t ask such a question about why he/she always did that to you, honestly, it’s not your business to even think about it. Who the hell are we to know all about others? Their intention, agendas, or reasons are beyond our minds and capabilities. Everyone has their own reasons, whether it’s good or bad; it’s not your job to figure it out. One thing that you have to figure out is how you respond to such behavior. In my eyes, you are not victims, but you let them play games and control your life, unintentionally. You gave them permission (consciously or unconsciously) by not setting boundaries, by tolerating behavior you shouldn’t, or by shrinking yourself to keep the peace.
Their toxic behavior is still their responsibility, not yours. You don’t “cause” someone to mistreat you, BUT you do have power over how much access they get to you and how much influence you allow them to have. You don’t control what they do, but you absolutely control how much space you allow them in your lives. You can still play a game, but this time, you are the one who controls the game; you can decide when to stop if someone keeps trying to play dirty.
So, instead of blaming yourself, ‘why do they always do this to me?’ you can reframe it by ‘what boundaries can I set so this doesn’t keep happening?’ That way, the focus is on reclaiming your power, not carrying the burden for someone else’s behavior.
Think of it like a dance: if one person keeps stepping on your toes, you can either keep dancing with them or you can step back and walk off the floor. The other person is still clumsy (or careless), but you’re no longer giving them the chance to hurt you over and over.
So my dearest friends, if you read this, yes, this one is for you. If you still want me in your life, please don’t bring me again into your drama and conflicts with the people that you actually still love being around. I don’t have the time and energy to listen to your stories. It’s NONE of my business. It’s not that I don’t care about you, I do. But you are just being such a fool to not set boundaries and let them play the dirty game.
We can’t stop toxic people from existing. But we can stop letting them take root in our lives. Growth is not about changing who shows up; it’s about deciding who we allow to stay.
Love,
Kirana
