Lately, my husband and I have a wish, we want to buy a big land outside town. Then, we saw this property. There’s a lovely small cottage on it, with huge trees and a big yard; it also has a fish pond, and what’s extremely satisfying for us (me especially), there’s a river crossing the land! I always want to have that kind of property in the future. I can already imagine, it can be our weekend home, I can go back to nature every single weekend in my life! What peace of mind. And when we saw that house, it felt like a dream come true, and what made it even make it sweeter, it was on sale, so the price was quite good. In our imagination, it will be a good investment and an asset. How come it’s not?
But let us think again, is it? Probably for the first three months, we will be happy to enjoy all the feature that comes with that house, the lovely small cottage, the big trees, the yard, the fish pond, the river, and the nature. However, after six months, we may start to overlook them. It’s not that we don’t feel ungrateful, it’s just that we’ll slip back into our daily routine, and the house will no longer be our star of the weekend. Our weekend home might become neglected. And to take care of that big land, we’ll need a housekeeper and gardener, which means it adds to our expenses. We’ll also need to visit the house regularly, likely once a month, spending about two hours on the journey. We will feel exhausted and also carrying a burden ’til we reach the point where our happiness is drained. Instead of feeling truly at peace of mind, we will find our savings of peace of mind depleted.
That’s what we call focusing illusion, Rolf Dobelli explains in his book, The Art of Good Life, that basically our brain tends to exaggerate and overvalue one factor when considering happiness. Simply said, whatever we focus on seems significant and challenging than it truly is. Unfortunately, this applies not only to big purchases like a house, but also to things like a car, a dream kitchen upgrade, or even a new Chanel bag! While we believe these items will make us happy, that happiness often fades into the background of daily life. When we consider the additional costs, responsibilities, and downsides of owning these things, we see they can drain our pockets and reduce our overall happiness. Our new fancy car will excite us at first and bring us happiness when we think about it. We focus so much on the thrill, the style, the smell of the leather seats, that we believe it will radically improve our lives. In reality? We adapt quickly. After a few weeks, it’s just the thing we drive to work. The joy fades, but the costs, risks, and responsibilities stay. Ultimately, a car only functions when we drive it, not when we think about it, isn’t it?
This is my friendly advice: if you want to live a peaceful and good life, it’s best for you to limit your purchases. And here’s the hidden secret, there’s a thing that the joy and the pleasure will remain and not be depleted by focusing illusion. You really want to know? Alright. It’s an experience. Like meaningful travel with your family or partner, a holiday with your BFF, a date night with your loved ones, doing work that excites us, reading a good book, anything! You name it! These experiences create lasting happiness, build memories, satisfaction, and connection, and often cost less. We can’t deny that, of course, some of the experiences will cost us more money, like travelling all around the world, cruising in a luxury ship, and omakase in a fine dining Japanese restaurant, but if you have the money, why not? They still provide better returns than having an exotic leather bag collection that just becomes another thing to toss on a chair.
So, the next time the focusing illusion whispers, ‘Buy this, and you’ll be happier,’ stop and think. Would I prefer to own another thing to dust, or a memory that will make me smile when I’m 80? One is forgotten, while the other becomes part of our life story. That’s my friend, the kind of wealth that doesn’t depreciate; it will last.
Because honestly, no one ever binge-watched Bridgerton for the palaces. We tuned in for messy ballroom party, the side-eye glances, and the human stories behind the gold. Experiences will always be bigger and better than possessions. Because they don’t just fill our shelves, they fill our souls.
Love,
Kirana
